I don’t even know what to say. I’m too hurt and mad for words. I thought this was over, but now on top of the threats and false accusations we can add stealing and lying. This has been going on since 2013.
I feel hit by a semi-truck tonight.
Sometimes I wish that the King had not asked me to do it. And other times I’m so honored that he did. The material is Papa’s. He chose a man to give his message to. Then he chose me, a woman to untangle the words of that man, take out the hate and translate what he scribbled together into something understandable and accessible to the world. Then he chose another man to take our work and be the torch-bearer of this message.
When I was editing the manuscript I felt like I was on holy ground—YHVH’s holy ground. I surrendered every sentence to the Ruach ha’Kodesh. No one really knows the sacrifices we made as a family in the midst of our own wilderness time to get that heavenly assignment done. These men’s opinions and memory doesn’t matter. It’s the King’s memory that matters.
Someday I will tell my story regarding this epic assignment and what went down between me and him. I’ll write about the bitterness and nastiness that halted the book and how it nearly did not get published. No one knew what I was editing. No one cared. Then, afterward so many brushed it off as if it was untrue and of my own making. They still do. Perhaps it will be Yahshua who tells how that book got done. But not yet.
Only Elohim and Isaac know the struggles and how dishonorably I have been treated by these men and their disciples. I thought we were in the same Priesthood, but both men and their cohorts have hurt and done this feminine priest wrong. Yah knows. Yah saw. And he sees today.
These men obviously don’t understand how to live out what they are preaching. They may be spokesman FOR this priesthood, but they sure are not operating IN it. These two men’s arrogance is one of the things that has fueled my fire to add my voice to the Royal Priesthood. It’s shocking that grown men, visible and outspoken leaders in this movement can be so rotten on the inside. One has already been struck down. I don’t want to be anywhere near when the other one gets it.
In the end, I did not finish my assignment for anyone but the King — for it was the King who asked me to do it. No one else. I ignored the intolerable unkindness of the initial man and focused on Yahshua’s face. His face was all I saw morning after morning, evening after evening, in freezing cold temperatures –– editing in impossible situations. Against all odds I finished the Kingdom assignment given to me—a small, poor, North Idaho girl who had no idea of the impact her work in a freezing barn stall and dark teepee would have on the world.
My consolation? Vindication and justice is Yahshua’s. He’s my only hope out of this mess of hurt and anger. He knows!! He will make it right. Man! Does he have a lot to vindicate me on. I’ve been so misunderstood on so many issues by so many people who once said they were my family and friends. Sounds like an echo of His story.
Today was a great day up until I saw what I saw on his website. Sunny day. Warmer weather. I’m stronger. Voice is healing. Sauna was lovely. Girls are happy. Dogs are happy. Cat is purring. House is getting deep cleaned……
I’m gonna let this go. If I don’t it will tank my whole Sabbatical year. I will be up to my neck in legal fights. My stomach sick right now with disbelief, my blood has boiled this afternoon and I’m left with a choice. Do I go down this road or not?
It’s ha’Satan trying to take away the joy of this year in front of me. So, I will take Isaac’s advice and not touch it this year. The King sees. He knows all. Perhaps Isaac will take this on — I have no idea, but I will lay this at Yahshua’s feet tonight. I have to. It’s too big for me. I can rise above it because it was never mine to begin with. I can let go. I’m good at that. It’s always been Yahshua’s. I was just working for him on HIS project.
Now, he’s letting me have a go at a project of mine this year. 🙂 And I’m excited.
After a good sleep I will catch my breath tomorrow morning and get re-focused on this years goals. I’ll find my shalom again. Nothing more to say except Yah’s will be done. May he judge between them and me. I am clean. I humbly walk away from what I saw today on his website––not to sweep it under the rug, but to let the King deal with it as he sees fit. Today I will not press charges.
Good thing I’m not God. 🙂