This is me being real. No show. No extras. No editing. No concern for audience. Just the raw me. It’s an attempt to allow my heart to breathe. I’ll take it one day at a time and blog throughout my Jubilee year.
I have missed words.
I have missed spending time arranging words in a way that best expresses my deep heart. Words help me hear my heart. They help me figure life out. They help me seek and hear Papa. But for a very long time I have not written from my heart, but from need. Words have been my sword. Either I have been using words to do quick social media communication and managing what I have already written (preparing it for other people to drink from) OR it has been a series of unending Kingdom battles that I have put the pen to. And after years of this, I am a tired warrior princess in need of rest.
Today, I am on the brink of rest and change. And on this Shabbat, as I sat bundled up on the rocking chairs in the winter sun with Isaac I found that I am full of hope, once again.
Unexpected and Undone.
I’ll begin my 50th year blog by saying that I am undone as I think through what happened today. Maggie, my oldest daughter has grown up! She has shown me capabilities that I never knew she had. Working together in a group to accomplish a goal. I’m so proud of her and I’m so thankful that the Ladies of Teshuvah have embraced her and been there for her.
Perhaps I was not able to give her Teshuvah College with hundreds of Melchizedek Hebrew Israelite young adults her age to choose friends from, but now I see that my work has given her a community of Melchizedek ladies from all over the world to be part of. Completely unexpected! Game changer! These ladies have Kingdom wisdom to share with her. They will be there for her to walk this Narrow Path with. This is a closure and freedom I didn’t expect to find today. I have been struggling for 16 years trying to give my daughters fellowship as they walk this Narrow Path with us — with no blessing. But now I see that all my efforts were not in vain. Closure.
“Papa! We did it!”
Ladies of Teshuvah Party.
Meeting with the ladies in Zoom for my 1st of 2 birthday parties that Maggie has planned was amazing! Unfortunately, my sick has not 100% left yet. I have been sick since Feb. 2nd and have really struggled to come back. This stupid polar vortex isn’t helping. So, I may have looked great in my new peach birthday dress, but I was not feeling completely well. In fact, my voice is completely gone today. I hope the ladies did not notice as I love them so much and appreciate all they did together with Maggie to make for a wonderful birthday party!
Deep inside I was so moved by their individually sent gifts and their collective gifts to me. So blessed. So humbled. A retreat with Isaac. A new Bible to read. Gifts. Wow! I just can not believe that I finally have a community. A community of women! Go figure! Loving, restored Melchizedek Hebrew Israelite ezer kenegdos from all over the world. That was not my plan. Papa took my plan and made it his. And I’m so glad he did. I could have never made it this way myself.
“Thank you, Papa for a wonderful season of my life working for you and your Kingdom. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. In 2003 I chose you and your cause to spend my life on. I still choose you. Now I’m just looking forward to “wasting” time WITH you this next year instead of working for you. Thank you for giving me 50 years of life. I look forward to the next 50 – seeing them with new eyes. Bless the ladies while I am away. I can’t wait to hear the stories of how you healed their hearts. Bless me and my family this next year with happiness, joy, health and abundance.”